Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
