After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
