yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
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We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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