It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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