Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
