Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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