So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
