i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
