people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
