What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
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I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
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I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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