Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
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I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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