i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
