So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
