Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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