I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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