yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
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This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
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He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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