no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
