Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm too high and old for this...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
