I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
