The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
