He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
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i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
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In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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