he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
