I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
