you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
