It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
did i walk over a car last night?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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