Just fell off a train. Bad.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
