i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
that is very illegal...i love you.
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