apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
