Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pinky promised me she was 18
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize