I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
