Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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