I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I need to stop coming to work sober
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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