i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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