Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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