Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
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