dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize