Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize