I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
