Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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