how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
