Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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