cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
