ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
