Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
