I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
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