I heard we made out
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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