I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
