Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
