remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
