It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
