somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
