i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
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A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
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To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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