I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
