slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
