she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize