What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
