oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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