please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
