Ketchup is God's man juice
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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