So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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