talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
